Why diets kill me

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January 4, 2017 by autumnaraujo

So I am jumping on the “New Year, New Me” bandwagon. I am generally a skeptic when it comes to new years resolutions. You never seem to keep them and it is easier just to be the same old lame ass that you were 365 days prior. However, I am battling the horrid condition called INSOMNIA. So I need to find something that will help me get more than five hours a sleep at a time.

Insomnia is my arch enemy and my best friend. It has allowed me to do endless hours of research, and this research has led me to countless recipes for low-carb, low-cal, Paleo, gluten free, funny cat videos, and serial killers. (Don’t ask).

This has also led me to believe that:

  1. Only rich people diet (If it isn’t a salad your average Josephine isn’t going to be able to afford half of these meals.)
  2. Not something I would feed the ravenous ten year old boy that I have complaining every twenty minutes with the words, “Mom, I’m hungry.”
  3. The majority of the recipes featured on the internet as a low-cal options, look like something I would feed a rabbit, or food you would see in the slop bucket made for pigs. (Seeing as I have yet to convert to the swine lifestyle, this doesn’t work for me.)
  4. I like chocolate too much.
  5. My husband would form a mutiny under his leadership, if I cooked him blanched Kale and quinoa.
  6. I could seriously commit to being a cat lady.

Why can’t there be delicious meals that you can easily make for ten people, a starving kid, and a mutinous husband? I literally just ate a piece of chocolate as I was writing this. Horrible omen for my dietary plans.

I have scoured the internet for something that not only looks appetizing but also doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. I am rather fond of said arms and legs, they come in handy. The recipe has to be filling and delicious… I would kill for a low-cal juicy cheeseburger but alas I am stuck with lettuce, served every way that lettuce can be served. I need something that looks better than this salmon, arugula, and onion salad below, otherwise I am going to lead the mutiny myself. bulgur-salmon

So here goes the “New Year, New Me” mantra. I desperately need to find a way to sleep good. Sleeping pills aside, everyone seems to swear by diet and exercise as a way to cure insomnia.

Yesterday, I bought a Fitbit. Unfortunately, the Fitbit isn’t a magical cure for laziness as I had hoped, but it is a good tool to help a person stay focused and motivated. I have already drank more water which is a good sign for me. Not so great on the dwindling supply of toilet paper in my house. Yes… I am talking about peeing. No I do not regret it.

Enjoy your crouton humans.

 

 

 

 

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