Even as an adult, I have the occasional nightmare and a “phew that was just a nightmare” pep talk is generally all that’s  needed to kick-start a good day.

I find that there are various levels of nightmares.  For me they rank from weakest to worst :

1. Ahhh that would be terrifying (vague nightmare)

2. The grape juice I drank last night must have fermented…  Wine, okay I had wine. (A wine induced nightmare) 😂

3. Heart pounding, would make a fantastic thriller movie nightmare.

4. All pregnant women know pregnancy nightmares are rough (no, I’m not pregnant…yet)

5. My life will never be the same after this nightmare.

I have had a nightmare on every level in this list,  countless times over the course of my life thus far.

Ones that I remember because we all know that most dreams are forgotten seconds after waking up.

Looking back my nightmares are almost comical.

Here are some examples for each on my list, grouped by its original number of rank.

1. I had this terrifying dream when I was in elementary school.  I don’t remember my exact age but I have used it as an example for my son countless times when I have had to talk him down from one of his own nightmares.

I grew up in a rural area and in my dream I was being chased by a huge, green,  angry T-Rex.  Without aging myself too horribly, this was during the time right after the first Jurassic Park was released so I had to have been either seven or eight years old. Anyway.  In my dream this nasty T-Rex is chasing me.  I imagine that I could feel his breath on my neck as I ran through corn fields.  Suddenly, a massive barn looms in the distance so I darted inside.  I scamper into a huge pile of hay,  and wait for my inevitable end… I stay that way for a dream eternity until the T-Rex rips off the roof of the barn,  steps over the wall and proceeds to sit on the ground beside me.  He looks at me dead in the eye through the hay and says in a British accent…  “My name is Nigel. Would you care for some tea? ”

Queue dream tea-table that appears from nowhere with perfectly brewed tea… there I am drinking tea with a British T-Rex.

My son always laughs but at the time it was terrifying.  Seven year old me swore off tea for years.  Every time I see the below picture, I am reminded of that dream. screenshot_2016-10-21-02-03-37-1

Clearly I am not the only one that has had this dream.  Cheers.

2. After imbibing more than necessary (or legal)  in my teenage years I had a wine induced dream about aliens. *I do not condone underage drinking* Unfortunately,  I was a bit of a wild child in my younger years.  In the dream,  I had an elaborate and spacey (pun intended)  dream that humans were a sort of Sims video game for giant green Aliens with squid arms.  So far there is a pattern for green creatures in my dreams.  😱 connection made and noted.  In this extraterrestrial nightmare I saw a family of gooey aliens get home from a long day at work, their galactic endeavors put behind them for the day.  They plop down on their couch, that was perfectly tailored for their squid arms and pop a game into their odd game console called Humans 7, High School Bullies.

Needless to say as I eavesdropped on this,  their TV screen flickered to an exact replica of my high school and before I knew it I was transported into the game.  The creepiest part of this dream was the fact that I knew I was a video game character. Every time I looked to the sky I could see the aliens leering down at me like I was in a fish bowl. Fast forward ten years, I am highly uncomfortable watching Alien movies or shows  😂 especially the Simpson’s. Shivers for days.  No wonder the drinking age is 21! Respect the laws people! screenshot_2016-10-21-02-18-23-1

3. Thriller movie special nightmare, basically all were generic. You know, running down a long corridor that seems to grow,  teacher is a vampire,  my five-pound Havanese named Beans turns into a wolf at night.  Basic thrasher and slasher nightmares that you almost-but-not-quite die in.  Dreams that you wake up from thinking Phew!  That was a close one. Thank a hippogriff that wasn’t nor could ever be real.  (yes that was a Harry Potter reference)

4. Ah the famous pregnancy nightmares.  Ladies,  you all know what I’m talking about!  The illogical slew of dreams that comes with being pregnant is one of the worst side effects imaginable. I would take morning sickness over a numbing nightmare every day of the week.

One of the dreams that stood out to me the most was when I gave birth to my kid.  The birth wasn’t the scary part.  What was scary, was the fact that I gave birth to a blue-eyed ginger.  Now wait a minute. This is not a bad thing! Red head children are gorgeous. The problem was and is…  I have dark Brown natural hair, green eyes,  medium skin tone.  Yes I could throw a red-head.  My dad had red hair until he was in his twenties.  My brother looks half-leprechaun with his orange beard and brown hair.  The deciding factor is that my husband… Is Mexican.  Dark skin,  dark eyes,  dark hair. In my dream, my son was born with a full head of bright copper hair and my husband’s response was a cocked eyebrow and a face that said. “welp congratulations on being a mom,  here is our divorce papers.” The dream was illogical for me,  my husband was and is my one and only so obviously the baby would be his.  Red hair or not. This nightmare made me so paranoid that by some freak hiccup of nature my dad’s bright red hair somehow passed through me and thus my unsuspecting child would be cursed with dark skin and flame colored hair.  This dream bothered me all nine months of my pregnancy, until the second I woke up from my emergency c-section to ask my mom if the baby looked like Mario (my husband)  or not.  😂😂 I was worried about red hair while my mom was worried about infidelity.  Luckily for all parties involved my baby boy did in fact have dark brown hair and a full head of it.  Thank you pregnancy dreams.  Thank you.  2006 he is A LOT bigger now 😍fb_img_1477032464631

5. My life will never be the same after this nightmare…  I’m  talking about the gut wrenching,  wake yourself up from the dream because you are literally crying out loud in your sleep and tears are cascading down your cheeks, being absorbed into your pillow and creating an oasis for dust mites you hope do not exist. These are the type of dreams that make you never want to sleep again.  Dreams that keep you awake writing on a blog that only a handful of people read.  The majority of that handful being your own family members.

I had one of these today. I took a random afternoon nap after doing four hours of Spanish Homework.  My cat cuddled on the couch at my feet, my dog in his adorable Halloween sweater, sprawled out next to us. The was house quiet with the TV muted, the sound of rain lulling me to sleep. The room was almost dark at noon because the rain clouds were so thick. The perfect setting for a nap.

I slept for close to an hour and a half. The dreams were so horrible that it completely ruined the rest of my day.  I won’t go into specifics on this one because I frankly don’t want to have to relive it.  Once was enough.  After I woke up it took me almost an hour to calm down.  I had the irrational thought to go pick my son up early from school and hug him until I felt better.  However,  being a mom sometimes means you have to suck it up.  My worry would have turned into his worry and he didn’t deserve that.  No one does.  So I had a good cry…  Or three.  Waited it out like the adult I am and finally hugged him after he got home safe and sound. Full of stories of the drama in fourth grade.

I will say however,  the weirdest and almost comical part of this dream was that Putin was my math teacher.  Who in their right mind has a dream where the Russian President is a college math professor?  Yeah that’s me.  Completely illogical right?  I am going to pass on that.  screenshot_2016-10-21-03-12-40-1

Now that I have this off my chest, hopefully I have a peaceful sleep where nothing and I mean nothing occurs.  I don’t even want good dreams.  I realistically just want solid black nothingness.

Until next time humans.  Sweet nightmares for us all. (except me…  I swore them off)