Germ-A-PHOBE

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May 18, 2016 by autumnaraujo

SO, I am definitely a person who has many faults. No one is perfect but to be honest I may have some quirks that are a little batty. I realized how obsessive I was with cleanliness last year right before my wedding.

As with most future grooms, my husbands groomsmen planned on taking him to a strip club the night before the wedding.

 

I was not perturbed because my husband was going to be watching scantly clad women dance around in their undergarments for a few dollars, I did not care about the booze that would be present, or the impending doom I was sure my husband contemplated during the short hours before we were to be wed.

What I was concerned with was the germs, diseases, and various bodily fluid I am sure run amok in strip clubs.

Before I go over my insane thought process I would like to note that I respect strippers in every way, and I in no way think that they are all riddled with disease etc. etc. However, one never knows.

Anyway, I attempted to make a care package for all of the groomsmen and my husband for their night of debauchery and entertainment. I wanted to include an unending supply of hand sanitizer, some dollar bills, and a few bleach wipes. The only reason I did not go on with my plan was because my lovely husband thwarted my plans as soon as I explained to him the reasoning behind “Autumn’s Essential Stripper Pack”.

Here is my thinking, try not to judge too harsh.

Women rub against all sorts of strange surfaces in strip clubs, now assuming she has some horrible disease (not saying she does) but she gets some bodily fluid on that surface, the man absentmindedly touches that surface, he goes to the restroom, touches his man part, BOOM Chlamydia.

Now I realize the faults behind this reasoning… however, in my obsessive germaphobe mind this was a legitimate fear.

I believe my next goal in life is to advocate washing hands before using the restroom. Yet, now I will be worrying about he faucets even more, and lord help me when I think about the creepy crawlies on the handles in public restroom stalls. Germs are everywhere people! I am freaking myself out now. Yikes.

My germaphobe ways do not stop at strip clubs.. if my niece or son coughs I go on a fit of sanitizing everything I think they touched in the house prior to coughing. All in all being a clean freak isn’t such a bad thing. If you ever have the opportunity to come to my house, just know that the door handle you touched is immaculately clean and you shall leave my house flu, cold, and germ free.  UNLESS you brought the germs… and if you did… I will find out.

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