Bah, I am an adult. I don’t need to worry about having nightmares after watching the Walking Dead, or the new horror movie that just came out in the ridiculous red box at Kroger. “You are an adult AUTUMN!”
This is the pep talk I give myself every time I slide the scary movie DVD into the ancient DVD player nestled underneath my television.
Suck it up for God’s sake, you are 28 years old!
The movie or program itself isn’t what gets me. I can watch Crimson Peak by myself, with the lights turned low, strewn across the couch with little care to what is happening on the screen. However, the second the credits roll, I am forced to come out of the horror movie bubble and walk to the bathroom…. As you know my floors creak. So here I am walking to the bathroom in the dark, squeaky floors, and relative silence.
Still okay. Nothing has jumped out of the shadows to grab my ankle. I flip the light on in the bathroom bathing in the illumination with complete and sincere relief. Now logically, I know that the only things in my house are: my son sleeping soundly in his bed, my cats roaming around doing fantastic cat acrobatics, and a set of six ridiculously fat goldfish.
Nothing malevolent, nothing even remotely scary. By this time my heart is already pounding and I may or may not have looked behind the shower curtain to make sure nothing was lurking inside. I won’t admit it. Just know it is a real possibility at this point.
Now. This happens every time I watch a scary movie. I know it. My husband knows it. I am positive my cats feel some type of odd behavior rolling off of me in waves. Wash my hands. Now what? Do I go back into the dark living room? Or check every window and door in my house to ensure that they are not only closed… but securely locked as well?
I think we all know what I did.
Windows and doors: Secure.
All lights in the house: On.
Closets opened and examined for nefarious creatures lurking in its bowels: Yep
After knowing my house is 100% zombie, ghost, and monster free, I can relax a small amount. Oh Lord is that howling I hear outside? Possibly wind.. or is it a rabid wolf making rounds and sniffing windows to find a way in? You know what!? I am an adult.
Inhale in, Exhale out.
It was wind Autumn! Get a hold of yourself woman! I honestly don’t know why I torture myself in this way. You would think I would just swear off scary movies entirely. Ohhhh but I just saw that preview for the next wonderfully horrific terror film! Can’t wait until it gets into Red Box.
Be honest. Scary movies are like magnets for us over imaginative people. What is your favorite scary movie? I would love to know but what I would love to know even more is how you feel after watching these movies. Do you make sure your legs are pulled tight under the covers? Do you check closets? Or glance creepily out the window? Even more perturbing, do you brush it off and act like nothing rattles you?!
Until the next time, Happy Nightmares Humans.