Writing this book is literally driving me insane. I would love to just sit down and write it all out because the ideas drive me insane from morning to-night. I think about what Magnus (my main character) is always flying in my mind on his dragon doing all sorts of mischievous things. However, I am not going to lie, I sit down to write and end up googling things like the disappearing black spot on my goldfish named Dirt.

Some back story now, I bought him for my niece and he had a black face, then one morning I woke up and Dirt (as so eloquently named by said niece) was a regular old golden goldfish. Imagine my surprise.

When I loaded my computer with all intentions to have Magnus make his giant leap into the exciting world of dragon riding, I slid the USB into the port… ¬†and sat there for a minute or two then proceeded down the long spiral of google hell.

Not only did I not work on my book, but I googled things from goldfish diseases, to monkey language analysis and eventually ended up on YouTube watching fingernail tutorials.

Google is an evil, evil creation. I have even considered setting my default search engine to one of the lesser ones like Yahoo, or Bing. Yet, I never go forth with this ridiculous idea. What would I do if Yahoo let me down and gave me wrong information about the anatomy of giraffes? I can not live with sub-par search results.

^ I wrote this two hours ago! I got distracted again by a stupid game on my phone… I am in a crisis people! It isn’t writer’s block because I certainly know what words I want to use and where Magnus is going with his goofy sarcasm and riveting personality, the problem is laziness. Yes, I said it.. laziness! It is 3:00 am and I can not find the momentum to write anything other than a few words in my book. I need sleep and I am becoming delusional.

I know you are all living in suspense now, so I will cut to the chase, Dirt had Black Smudge. I dare you to google it. Be warned, it isn’t as interesting as you think. ¬†Moral of the story, don’t buy dark spotted gold-fish. If anything yell at the pet store that their fish tanks are dirty and they need to take better care of their 19 cent collection of goldfish.

In other news, tonight was my scheduled writing time, topic of choice for my google hell is my medieval name. It is Millicent Tudor. How regal. Unfortunately, with the luck I have Millicent Tudor would not be a royal, she would be a serf or peasant. Facts of life. I may be delusional but I am still very much a realist.

What are your craziest google searches?

Humans.. *waves.*


Scary Movies

Bah, I am an adult. I don’t need to worry about having nightmares after watching the Walking Dead, or the new horror movie that just came out in the ridiculous red box at Kroger. “You are an adult AUTUMN!”

This is the pep talk I give myself every time I slide the scary movie DVD into the ancient DVD player nestled underneath my television.

Suck it up for God’s sake, you are 28 years old!

The movie or program itself isn’t what gets me. I can watch Crimson Peak by myself, with the lights turned low, strewn across the couch with little care to what is happening on the screen. However, the second the credits roll, I am forced to come out of the horror movie bubble and walk to the bathroom…. As you know my floors creak. So here I am walking to the bathroom in the dark, squeaky floors, and relative silence.

Still okay. Nothing has jumped out of the shadows to grab my ankle. I flip the light on in the bathroom bathing in the illumination with complete and sincere relief. Now logically, I know that the only things in my house are: my son sleeping soundly in his bed, my cats roaming around doing fantastic cat acrobatics, and a set of six ridiculously fat goldfish.

Nothing malevolent, nothing even remotely scary. By this time my heart is already pounding and I may or may not have looked behind the shower curtain to make sure nothing was lurking inside. I won’t admit it. Just know it is a real possibility at this point.

Now. This happens every time I watch a scary movie. I know it. My husband knows it. I am positive my cats feel some type of odd behavior rolling off of me in waves. Wash my hands. Now what? Do I go back into the dark living room? Or check every window and door in my house to ensure that they are not only closed… but securely locked as well?

I think we all know what I did.

Windows and doors: Secure.

All lights in the house: On.

Closets opened and examined for nefarious creatures lurking in its bowels: Yep

After knowing my house is 100% zombie, ghost, and monster free, I can relax a small amount. Oh Lord is that howling I hear outside? Possibly wind.. or is it a rabid wolf making rounds and sniffing windows to find a way in? You know what!? I am an adult.

Inhale in, Exhale out.

It was wind Autumn! Get a hold of yourself woman! I honestly don’t know why I torture myself in this way. You would think I would just swear off scary movies entirely. Ohhhh but I just saw that preview for the next wonderfully horrific terror film! Can’t wait until it gets into Red Box.

Be honest. Scary movies are like magnets for us over imaginative people. What is your favorite scary movie? I would love to know but what I would love to know even more is how you feel after watching these movies. Do you make sure your legs are pulled tight under the covers? Do you check closets? Or glance creepily out the window? Even more perturbing, do you brush it off and act like nothing rattles you?!

Until the next time, Happy Nightmares Humans.